No Small Healing

Hope: a feeling of expectation and desire for something to happen
aspiration, wish, goal

Faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or something
strong belief in god or spiritual doctrine

What do these words mean to me? These words saved my life. I know this is a strong statement. I believe it is the truth for me. I’m not talking about magical thinking. I’m not talking about religion. I’m talking about strength, and the desire to not just exist but to live. To take some control of my mind and heart.

I no longer wanted to be other people’s punching bag. I no longer wanted to live my life based on the judgments and narrow-minded expectations of others. I needed to feel whole, validated. I needed to accept my own truth and experience. I could no longer look to others for acceptance and happiness. I needed to find these thing in my own mind and soul.

A long time ago someone said to me you can’t judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree. I understood fundamentally that fish were not made to climb trees. I know that fish are made to swim. But I had a hard time applying that knowledge to my own life. See, I had been told my whole life that I wasn’t good enough because I was flawed in some way or another. Because I didn’t try hard enough. I was compared to those around me and I couldn’t measure up. I felt constantly like I had failed at being human.

I now understand that the only thing I was failing at was trying to be something other than what I am. I was trying to be something that others wanted. Because I had a deep need to be wanted. To feel loved and be accepted. We all have these needs. They are a normal part of being human. What I didn’t know was that if I could not accept who I was I would always be that fish failing at climbing the tree. I was living against my own nature.

The Line

By, TJP

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You have suffered the brunt

Of my unmet needs

Anger

Resentment

Selfishness

Greed

Here you stand by me

Neither of us see

The light in the night bleeds

Emotions continue to seethe

Your back to mine

You stand my flack

Never once to give it back

Love

Acceptance

Compassion

My words attack

You keept me on track

Stopped the bleed

Filled the need

I never had to plead

All you gave was free

At the time I was not able to see

Thank you for loving me

 

By, TJP

 

Clear Your Conscience

Open your mind

Willing and kind

Honesty to unbind

Change the script

No room to slip

Heed my tips

Healing begins

At the end of a pen

You don’t need to win

Freedom from pain

So much to gain

Clear away the stain

Use your voice

You have a choice

Your heart will rejoice

Tell a trusted soul

Become whole

Let go of control

Own your mistakes

Apologize, do what it takes

Be humble, not fake

You are not alone

The path you have been shown

Your life will become your own

Trusted friends you will find

When you clear your mind

You will find the world willing and kind

By, TJP

 

Self Seeking Slips Away

I walk along try not to see

All the suffering in front of me

I’m too stuck in my own pain

All this stress hurts my brain

I am slow to understand

If I reach out and take a hand

I will end my distress

But I pretend I could care less

Overwhelmed I hide in shame

I won’t even ask your name

What it is I think I need

Is someone strong to care for me

As selfish as I’d like to be

To ease my guilt and set me free

I must reach out and be a friend

So I can learn to live again

 

By, TJP

 

Egalitarian

I do not want to live for you

Nor you to live for me

Just stand with me

By my side

Through eternity

What I imagine

It should be like

Is not what I have found

I don’t want to be a wife

Or carry you around

I will not ask that you carry me

Just give me one small gift

Show me that

Compassionate love

Really does exist

I will walk the world with you

No matter good or bad

Promise to hold on to you

When ever you are sad

Walk with me

Hand in hand

I promise to let go

You do not need to hurt me

Just need to let me know

 

By, TJP

 

 

 

True Love

To know true love

What would you see

Does that hope

Look like me

*

Is it a feeling

Person or place

Or could it be that one perfect face

*

If you could name it

What would you say

A perfect moment

The bright sunny day

*

Is it warm

Safe and serene

Must it be beautiful

Pretty and clean

*

Calmly wrapped in each others arms

Content with out disarming charm

Do you have expectations in place

To muddle the dream

To set the pace

*

True love is nothing

More than a promise

To walk through life

Open and honest

By, TJP