Let It Go

Although time has passed they still come to me

In my dreams they still torment 

Even in their death memories do not decompose 

Logic tells me I am no longer in danger 

My heart yearns to trust 

To give my all to another these thoughts must abate

There is no room for hate

Fear and torment will not be my fate

There will be a way 

I still have faith 

By, TJP 

Judgment 

Don’t judge me, 

Based on what you can do.

On your expectations of me.

Why can’t I just be?

Do you really think I’m lazy?

Hard or unkind.

I do the best I can.

I’m sorry I have to take my time.

I would not ask for help,

For what I can do myself. 

Please don’t think I don’t try.

You see me as flawed. 

Not whole.

Your judgment touched my soul.

I can’t show you the pain I live.

I hope you never have to feel,

The limitations that for me are so real.

I will continue to do my best.

It’s okay that’s not enough for you.

For me, this is my truth.

I will always assume

That you do the best that you can do.
By, TJP 

Thank you for the compliment.

It is not about my ego when you give me a compliment and I don’t respond the way you hoped I would. 

It is not about my self esteem when you say I am nice things and pretty words that I don’t accept. 

It does not mean I don’t believe these things about myself. 

It means I don’t believe you know me well enough to make these statements. 

It means I don’t trust your sincerity. 

It means that I think you have other motives for your words than expressing to me your view of me. 

I appreciate a nice compliment. They can brighten a dark day. 

If you are disappointed by my response then it is your motives that need to be examined. 

Your ego that needs to be checked. 

Your self esteem that needs to be looked at.

By, TJP

Demons

They haunt the halls

Stalking the shadows of my mind

Turn around

Stay in the light

Pray

Stay busy

Hope with all my might

Still they find me

Sucking me into the darkness

Fighting to break free

Crying on the floor

Not real anymore

Begging to be safe, secure

Never knowing when they will come

Running always towards the sun

Avoid the shadows

Filling time

Simple tasks

Don’t run, just hide

Dreading when it’s time for bed

All my monsters fill my head

Toss and turn

Crying out

Awake, asleep

Filled with doubt

Scrub away my darkest stains

Look away to hide my shame

I’ll let you think that I am strong

The truth is I hide all day long

 

By, TJP

 

 

 

 

 

Victim

I’ve spent my life

Asking why

What did I do

What can I try

Why do they lie

The pain I felt

Haunts my dreams

Feeling Dirty

So unclean

Do I break them

What’s wrong with me

Reasons there I could not see

So many times

It must be me

I tried to love

To beg and hate

Forgive

Forget

Accept my fate

The fear and pain

Was just too much

Fought to trust

There was one thing I failed to see

It was their choice

Their blame

Not me

Selfish ways not understood

A need to hurt all that’s good

I did not cause all this pain

I did not choose

I took the blame

Lived in shame

No longer now do I ask why

I know the truth

I know the lie

I no longer have to cry

 

By, TJP