Let It Go

Although time has passed they still come to me

In my dreams they still torment 

Even in their death memories do not decompose 

Logic tells me I am no longer in danger 

My heart yearns to trust 

To give my all to another these thoughts must abate

There is no room for hate

Fear and torment will not be my fate

There will be a way 

I still have faith 

By, TJP 

View Of Fear

I wrote Not Always The Victim three months ago. I didn’t publish it publicly because I am ashamed of the way I feel. I don’t want to see myself as a victim. I want to see myself as strong, independent and just like everyone else. I don’t want to admit that I am afraid. I don’t want others to see me in this light either. Yet this is how I feel. Since writing this I have worked hard to make a safe place for healing and growth. I feel I have been mostly successful. Yet I still struggle with my insecurities.

I share this link Not Always The Victim now  because I believe that voicing my fear will help me heal. I hope that it may help others give voice to their own pain and fears. I know now that we all have the right to feel safe. To feel like we belong. I believe that loving and being loved is the only way out of this circle thinking. The problem is finding the strength to reach out.

May we all find a safe place to heal.

 

By, TJP

Demons

They haunt the halls

Stalking the shadows of my mind

Turn around

Stay in the light

Pray

Stay busy

Hope with all my might

Still they find me

Sucking me into the darkness

Fighting to break free

Crying on the floor

Not real anymore

Begging to be safe, secure

Never knowing when they will come

Running always towards the sun

Avoid the shadows

Filling time

Simple tasks

Don’t run, just hide

Dreading when it’s time for bed

All my monsters fill my head

Toss and turn

Crying out

Awake, asleep

Filled with doubt

Scrub away my darkest stains

Look away to hide my shame

I’ll let you think that I am strong

The truth is I hide all day long

 

By, TJP

 

 

 

 

 

Inner Child

I saw the child

Deep down inside

Curled in a ball

Trying to hide

I reached out my hand

An offer of love

She turned away

With a sad little shrug

She looked back

Anger I saw

She blamed me

For the pain that was caused

I tried to explain

Begged to forget

I turned away

To hide my regret

Then I realized that child was me

I called her by name

She needed to see

I can forgive

All our mistakes

Take her sweet hand

Build a new fate

Laughter and love

The safety we seek

This child and I

What a good life it will be

 

By, TJP

If You Don’t Mind

If you don’t mind

I’ll take some time

Reflect upon a darker time

I know it it’s hard to understand

It’s not your fault

I was dealt this hand

Do please try

To respect my space

No amount of good can erase

The things I’ve seen

What I’ve done

Lives inside

It does not hide

Now and then

I must take a peek

Into the darkness I must sneak

Shining light

Into this space

Helps me heal

Works to replace

Memories sad but true

Sometimes it makes me blue

Yet your love

Gives me hope

My guiding light

Rescue rope

I know it’s hard

Yet I need this time

I truly hope that you don’t mind

I will return

Refreshed, renewed

I have the strength because of you

 

By, TJP

 

Fallen

I see you standing over me

Holding my breath

I know your not there

I’ve already left

Feeling your anger

On the floor cold and alone

Your rage washes over me

Your words cut me deep

I will not cry out

I can not sleep

No response will I give

I will not shout

Curled in a ball

I count to myself

If I can just hold on

You’ll burn yourself out

Fear keeps me still

I know what comes next

I can’t beat the chill

Searching for my next breath

Calming my mind

I stand once again

I may still fall down

But you will not win

 

By, TJP