Let It Go

Although time has passed they still come to me

In my dreams they still torment 

Even in their death memories do not decompose 

Logic tells me I am no longer in danger 

My heart yearns to trust 

To give my all to another these thoughts must abate

There is no room for hate

Fear and torment will not be my fate

There will be a way 

I still have faith 

By, TJP 

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Fallen

I see you standing over me

Holding my breath

I know your not there

I’ve already left

Feeling your anger

On the floor cold and alone

Your rage washes over me

Your words cut me deep

I will not cry out

I can not sleep

No response will I give

I will not shout

Curled in a ball

I count to myself

If I can just hold on

You’ll burn yourself out

Fear keeps me still

I know what comes next

I can’t beat the chill

Searching for my next breath

Calming my mind

I stand once again

I may still fall down

But you will not win

 

By, TJP

 

Frozen

Excited for a gentle touch

Memories distract

Becoming too much

Backing away

No threat to be found

My body shuts down

*

Flinching in the light of day

Memories have carried me away

No longer in my kitchen

Lost in my mind

No threat do I find

As real as the first time

*

Standing on the sidewalk

Frozen in fear

Just because they stopped to talk

Need to leave before the tear

Praying they can’t hear

Willing my feet to walk

*

At home safe in my bed

Nightmares run through my head

Limbs feel just like lead

Terror holds me in place

Desperate to feel safe

Praying loving hands can replace

 

By, TJP

 

 

My Prayer

I know you can’t step into the future while holding onto the past. But some things in the past are just too painful to let go of least they repeat. Knowing that we have no control over the actions of others how do we stand up and pray not to be knocked back down again. Then once knocked down where do we find the strength to trust, to hope. Next time I will find loving people, next time I will find happy and safe people. Next time, next time. How do you continue to foster hope. I want to hope. I want to be brave and strong. Sometimes the pain and fear become too much and I want to hide. I know I don’t want to live this way. Stuck inside the black hole I call a mind, hiding in my home that isn’t mine. Praying that nothing bad happens long enough for me to gain some strength and some control over my fears and emotions. I want to, I am trying. But there are days that I am paralyzed with fear. I pray that someday I will have no reason to fear. All the memories and pain of the past will be just that a memory. I pray this happens before my death.

 

By, TJP