No Small Healing

Hope: a feeling of expectation and desire for something to happen
aspiration, wish, goal

Faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or something
strong belief in god or spiritual doctrine

What do these words mean to me? These words saved my life. I know this is a strong statement. I believe it is the truth for me. I’m not talking about magical thinking. I’m not talking about religion. I’m talking about strength, and the desire to not just exist but to live. To take some control of my mind and heart.

I no longer wanted to be other people’s punching bag. I no longer wanted to live my life based on the judgments and narrow-minded expectations of others. I needed to feel whole, validated. I needed to accept my own truth and experience. I could no longer look to others for acceptance and happiness. I needed to find these thing in my own mind and soul.

A long time ago someone said to me you can’t judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree. I understood fundamentally that fish were not made to climb trees. I know that fish are made to swim. But I had a hard time applying that knowledge to my own life. See, I had been told my whole life that I wasn’t good enough because I was flawed in some way or another. Because I didn’t try hard enough. I was compared to those around me and I couldn’t measure up. I felt constantly like I had failed at being human.

I now understand that the only thing I was failing at was trying to be something other than what I am. I was trying to be something that others wanted. Because I had a deep need to be wanted. To feel loved and be accepted. We all have these needs. They are a normal part of being human. What I didn’t know was that if I could not accept who I was I would always be that fish failing at climbing the tree. I was living against my own nature.

The Line

By, TJP

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Looking In

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On the outside looking in

This is where her life begins

Wanting what she sees inside

It’s not the things, though they are nice

Not even warmth from the night

The yellow glow from the window spreads

Good feelings for the life ahead

Those who dwell inside you see

Live a life of harmony

There is no anger in those walls

No need to hide when darkness falls

As the night turns into day

Those inside begin to play

She says a prayer down deep inside

That this, their home, she may reside

Forgive her when she stops to stare

For in your window the hearts laid bare

Never has she hoped to be

A part of a home where love is free

By, TJP

Reach Out

There are those who grow up with others by their side

Family, friends those who live their story with them

Who know them inside and out

People they can always turn to for support, comfort or to share laughter and joy

What about those who have no one

For what ever reason faced life alone

Fast friends come and go

Trusting only themselves

No one to call in good times or bad

To take their hand

Those who sit alone with their longing to connect with another

Lacking the faith to allow another to touch their heart

Can the loneliness be cured

By, TJP

 

 

Let It Go

Although time has passed they still come to me

In my dreams they still torment 

Even in their death memories do not decompose 

Logic tells me I am no longer in danger 

My heart yearns to trust 

To give my all to another these thoughts must abate

There is no room for hate

Fear and torment will not be my fate

There will be a way 

I still have faith 

By, TJP 

Wistful

Old pangs sneak in

Not always in the cover of night

An ache, loneliness

Deep and hollow

Not to be filled by a shared touch

A longing, stretching over a lifetime

Not soothed by laughter

Emptiness, once filled with time

Now feeling the depletion

Of time slipped away

Every day holding hope

Hiding the truth

Letting a smile shine

Praying for that eternal love

Understanding it may never come

Not content with superficial covers

Searching the depths of the soul for an answer

Learning to love herself

By, TJP