Hiding

My phone has been shut off and I will have a new number soon. Not completely by choice but mostly to stop the messages from my husband and his family. They do not know where I am. I felt it best to protect myself so I ran away. No matter what else I call it to save my sanity I ran away from them. Running away is something I am comfortable doing. I have done it to save myself in the past. I long for the day that running is no longer necessary. I would really like to learn how to make better choices so I no longer need to hide. By better choices I mean become better able to read the intentions of others. I know if a person wants to be deceitful and is good at it it’s very hard to tell. But there are always warnings. I tend to ignore those warnings out of an abundance of hope that this time will finally be the last time. I will finally get to stop hiding and find my happily ever after. I know there is work to any relationship. I don’t mind doing the work. I can’t take the abuse, pain, fear. No relationship should bring so much fear. I have to take responsibility for the parts that are mine. It’s not that I asked for it or allowed it to happen so much as I closed my eyes and hid from the fear and did nothing to stop it. I cling to hope like a life-preserver. Hope is all I have. I don’t want to spend my life alone but I need to be alone to learn how to spend my life. May we all find a love that we are willing to suffer for without giving up our self.

 

By, TJP