Some days it is so hard to put aside the memories. They haunt me, take my attention. It is difficult to hold onto the present. I try to stay in the moment and not let myself be carried away by the wave of emotion that these memories bring. No one is hurting me now and I have even found gentle hands and kind words. Most days these prevail and can push away the darkness. Other times I wait for the next blow be it verbal or physical. I hate to live with so much fear. I have trust I don’t have to fight to see the best in others while this is a great asset it can also be dangerous. I am afraid I become blind to what I don’t want to see. Yet I don’t want to live in these memories terrified and closed. My greatest desire is to be truly loved. I know there are people out there who love without hurting others. I think I have found one. I believe that it is real and true. That this person is kind and gentle. In the back of my mind the doubt lingers. It is easily kept at bay. I know that life can be good. I wish I could look at the world through clear lenses and unbroken eyes.