Silence

I have words to explain

Judge and define

Create beautiful images

In the mind

Ugly words

That hurt and degrade

A few simple words

Brighten a day

When it comes to him

Words I’m denied

Too many feelings

Wrapped up inside

So many words

On the tip of my tongue

I find them inadequate

For expressing my love

So I say nothing

The silence just grows

I pray with my actions

My love I have shown

By, TJP

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No Small Healing

Hope: a feeling of expectation and desire for something to happen
aspiration, wish, goal

Faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or something
strong belief in god or spiritual doctrine

What do these words mean to me? These words saved my life. I know this is a strong statement. I believe it is the truth for me. I’m not talking about magical thinking. I’m not talking about religion. I’m talking about strength, and the desire to not just exist but to live. To take some control of my mind and heart.

I no longer wanted to be other people’s punching bag. I no longer wanted to live my life based on the judgments and narrow-minded expectations of others. I needed to feel whole, validated. I needed to accept my own truth and experience. I could no longer look to others for acceptance and happiness. I needed to find these thing in my own mind and soul.

A long time ago someone said to me you can’t judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree. I understood fundamentally that fish were not made to climb trees. I know that fish are made to swim. But I had a hard time applying that knowledge to my own life. See, I had been told my whole life that I wasn’t good enough because I was flawed in some way or another. Because I didn’t try hard enough. I was compared to those around me and I couldn’t measure up. I felt constantly like I had failed at being human.

I now understand that the only thing I was failing at was trying to be something other than what I am. I was trying to be something that others wanted. Because I had a deep need to be wanted. To feel loved and be accepted. We all have these needs. They are a normal part of being human. What I didn’t know was that if I could not accept who I was I would always be that fish failing at climbing the tree. I was living against my own nature.

The Line

By, TJP

A Little At A Time

It takes only a grain of sand to move a mountain

A drop of water to push the river from its bank

A single wind to clear a forest

Or a single spark to light the way

One touch can heal

One word can soothe

It takes the smallest amount of hope to bring faith

To a heart that’s been abused

By, TJP

Looking In

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On the outside looking in

This is where her life begins

Wanting what she sees inside

It’s not the things, though they are nice

Not even warmth from the night

The yellow glow from the window spreads

Good feelings for the life ahead

Those who dwell inside you see

Live a life of harmony

There is no anger in those walls

No need to hide when darkness falls

As the night turns into day

Those inside begin to play

She says a prayer down deep inside

That this, their home, she may reside

Forgive her when she stops to stare

For in your window the hearts laid bare

Never has she hoped to be

A part of a home where love is free

By, TJP

But It Is

It’s not the way he holds her

How he pets her hair

The way he looks her in the eyes

Pretends he doesn’t care

The little grin

His smiling eyes

The little things he shares

Takes her hand

Walks by her side

The kisses that impair

There isn’t any single thing

That proves he is her love

She would tell you

It’s so much more

When really it’s just enough

By, TJP

Boxes

42 years reduced to a few boxes

Three children

Two marriages

Too many memories to count

Stored

Forgotten

In dusty basements

Do you mourn the loss of things

Or the passing of time

Memories behind the cobwebs of denial

Rebuilding

Surrounding old with new

Praying nothing happens

Just a few items

Physical proof of a life lived

Special only to the one who holds on

Carried from place to place

A security blanket of hope

Pieces of an old story

Patched into a new one

Anticipation of a brighter tale

By, TJP